Music

3 pieces of music. As specific as you want. A favorite song, album, box set, or even ringtone. It's up to you. But only 3.

1. My vinyl copy of Pinkerton, by Weezer
I hope we won't have to create an entry that will justify my record player making it to the island. (Please.) But not to sound like a snob, vinyl sounds better. It just does. If you're close enough, it sounds like you and the music are in the same room. Anyways, this to me, is hands down the greatest album of all time. (everything else is just jostling for spaces #2-100.) It really doesn't sound like anything modern pop/rock. It's an extreme look into the psyche of a sexually frustrated, mid-twenties Harvard student/pop genius. Songs about being tired of sex ("Tired of Sex"), being in love with a lesbian ("Pink Triangle"), wanting to break out of the monotony of getting older ("The Good Life"). It's really perfect. Plus it has "Across the Sea", which is a song to a Japanese girl that wrote Rivers a love letter and contains the chorus:

Why are you so far away from me?/I need help and you're way across the sea/I could never touch you - I think it would be wrong/I've got your letter/you've got my song.

Which would resonate with the whole being-stranded-on-the-island thing.

2. "Tupelo Honey", by Van Morrison

A really great romantic song for the ladies and me. It's long and has multiple tempos, so we wouldn't get sick of it for awhile. And when the line, "You can take all the tea in China, and throw it out into the deep blue sea" comes up, Natalie, Kristen, Rosario, and I would have a group hug/cuddle, and thank our lucky stars that even though we're alone, we do have each other.

3. I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning, by Bright Eyes

I can't see myself ever getting tired of this album. The songs are laid-back, perfect for the island experience. Plus, they're not too complicated, so if on a future post, I choose to bring a guitar, I may be able to actually play these songs, and thus continue to woo my ladies. In addition, there's a song titled "Land Locked Blues", which, you know, would be kind of ironic.

Seven Random Things

I've been trying to think of a good new topic for a while...I'm not sure I can handle this kind of pressure. Anyhoo, you can bring with you seven random things from your home with you to the island, what are you bringing?

1. Farquaad and Fiona.


2. My green polka dotted bicycle. I'm not sure where on the island I'll be able to ride it - I may have to get one of the sexytime trio to build me something.


3. The framed black and white photo of me and my two sisters that my best friend took in 1997.

4. The framed sepia photo of my parents from Thanksgiving 2003.

5. The Red Tent - a book by Anita Diamant. I think this is the best book I've ever read.


6. My Christmas tree, fully decorated. I'm not sure the lights will work, but I'll figure it out. I keep it up all year round at home, and I think it will look great on my island.

7. My brown, red, and white dangly hippy looking earrings. My favorite. They don't go with much, but they'll look great on the island. Plus I love the dangly.

Sexytime

Apparently, I don't think about sex enough. I had a hard time with this one, for two reasons.

1. I cannot buy into the school of thought that I should pick my three based primarily on sex, rather than what other qualities these men can bring to my island. I'm with Loud: if I knew who was that good in bed, I'd probably already be sleeping with him. I hold as an eternal truth that many times the amazing looks are accompanied by an amazing ego that produces a self-involved, lazy partner, which of course leads to less-than-sexy sexytime. So, just picking some hot guys doesn't work for me.


2. I am potentially quite unobservant and/or asexual, as I would be hard-pressed to name five men in the public eye that make me woozy via their hotness. I don't follow sports or movies or music or TV that closely, nor do I read magazines that have pictures of pretty people, so I guess I'm just short on material. I prefer intermittent crushes on our building's handyman and the weird guy at the Thai place.

So, I approached this category by waiting until three somewhat attractive men crossed my field of attention who were both somewhat attractive and who would bring many other offerings to our island society. Four short weeks later, this is what I came up with:


1. Doug Fine. Who is Doug? Author, Journalist, Adventurer, Goat-Herder, per his website. He was an international reporter, working for NPR and others, before he decided to give it all up and try to live off the grid on a ranch in New Mexico. Through this, he's learned how to build stuff, raise and preserve food, tend goats, and many other useful-for-survival skills that will greatly enhance our island infrastructure. Then, he wrote a book about it. Kind of sounds like my dream life; therefore, I'm already partially in love with the man. Doug may not be the best-looking out of the crew, but I have a feeling we will have so much in common that we will keep each other entertained for hours. I'm going to get my hands on his book as soon as the library has it. If you know me at all, you probably know how I feel about goats. Doug, you had me at "goat-herder."


2. Lenny Kravitz.

I require someone who can play music on my island. Two years in Nowhere, Bolivia taught me the incalcuable value of living with someone who can pick up an instrument and learn or invent a song on the spot. Priceless. My first thought was Ben Harper, as I like his music, find him attractive, and heard he's a good dad (also key for corraling the inevitable island babies after the prophylactics run out). However, Darcy beat me to it. Lenny is a runner-up. I don't like his music nearly as well. In fact, the songs I've heard from his current album are cheesy, electric guitar crap. But, I like some of his old stuff, and he will only have access to acoustics on the island. He has amazing abs and bone structure. Our children will be beautiful. Also, as playing with hair is one of my favorite pastimes, I will enjoy having several different textures of man-hair to aimlessly caress as we wile away time on my island. Since Trinidad, I'm a very big fan of a good 'fro. Lenny can rock the 'fro, and maybe he can advise me if I decide to throw in the personal hygiene towel and go for white girl dreads. In addition, he was profiled in the June/July issue of Plenty magazine. He has a 1,000-acre, completely self-sufficient organic farm in Brazil and defined the Topic that occupies way too much of his brain as "Finding a wife." Lenny, I'm there for you, babe.


3. George Clooney.

Old. Boring. Actor of questionable abilities. Complete cop-out. I know. He's middle-aged and dating a Vegas cocktail waitress (last I heard?). I think he will be bored silly on the island, and I have no idea if he can add any useful skills to our little family. Doesn't sound like the best choice. However, I had a crush on him when we used to watch ER on Thursday nights in college. I need to bring something of sentimental value to the island. In addition, he has fabulous hair that I will enjoy running my fingers through, and maybe he can offer me some pole-dancing (palm-tree-dancing?) pointers he's picked up from his girlfriend. I don't mind a few grays, George.

Sexytime

As there hasn’t been any activity here since my momentous desert island clothes post, I figured I’d get things rolling again. Here is what I’m sure is my long-awaited sexytime three:


1. Nicole Scherzinger (a.k.a lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls) – This woman makes my brain turn off. I’m not alone. I recall on several occasions being on the dance floor in the basement of Madisons, where they show music vids on the screens, and having every guy in the place stop what he was doing to watch her when a Pussycat Dolls video would come on. Nicole looks like she may be a bit mean, but that for some reason makes her even more appealing. Perhaps we could have a lot of angry sex. With her sexiness, a body that defies the laws of physics, and extremely seductive dark looks, this girl could rock my desert island anytime. For a more in depth look at her ridiculosity, see videos: Buttons, Come to Me.

2. Elisha Cuthbert – Another girl with a huge X-factor, after seeing her in the Girl Next Door, Love Actually, Old School, and this Weezer music video, I would love to extend an offer for her to be on my island. Not only does she have an awesome bod, but Elisha has the most mesmerizing eyes, and I could stare into them as the sun goes down. I also bet that she is a lot nicer than Nicole, so that would make for a nice balance. I could have happy sex with Elisha.



3. Salma Hayek (circa 10 years ago) – Definite high school crush here. She’s a bit out of the age range right now for reckless rollicking on a desert island, but 10 years ago, damn! Salma could lull me to sleep in my mother-tongue. With curves absolutely everywhere in an amazing way, the latin fire, and a hidden intellect and artistic zeal (as evidenced by her pet project Frida), we could have amazing conversations, and then passionate sex.

Honorable mentions:

1. The Portman – Natalie is definite girlfriend material, and I wouldn’t want any drama or jealousy from my polyamourousness on the desert island to get in the way of what may be a great relationship when I untie the yacht that Jay-Z lent me to take the trip back to civilization.


2. Shakira – Man this girl can dance, and is sexy as hell. But, when she says “suerte que mis pechos sean pequeños, asi que no los confundas con montañas” in Suerte, yeah, that’s an issue. I also liked her more with dark hair back when she was only big in the Latin American market… Not to mention that Nicole and her may get into a fight to the death as there could be only 1 diva on the island (and I think Shakira would win).

3. Zhang Ziyi – Although she could double as my body guard, has a lot of spirit and is absolutely beautiful, Tommy called her already, and I don’t share well.


4. Catherine Zeta-Jones - (circa 15 years ago) – Hot, and awesome look, but every time I’d look at her, I’d think about Michael Douglas.

Clothes

For my ideal island-wear, I offer up some battle-tested threads, many of which became a man's best friend during my sojourn through Southeast Asia, China, the Balkans, and other parts of Europe last year. Also, I figure that a post is needed ASAP to cover up the 1st pic in the Fuzz's sexytime post, as people looking over my shoulder at work are getting the wrong idea...


1. North Face Hedgehogs - These shoes are awesome! Sturdy enough for hiking over rough terrain (the porcupine-modeled spikes on the sole are great), but casual enough for regular walking, these babies guided me from the volcanic hills of Ko Pha Ngan in Thailand to the cosmopolitanism of London (on an island as well). I was torn between these and some sandals, but then I figured that I could make some killer flip flops (possibly to be worn with socks when it gets cool out at night) out of braided strands of palm fronds.

2. Columbia Nylon Cargo Pants - Another awesome buy for my around-the-world trip. It's lightweight and dries fast in case it rains or you take a dip. The nylon is pretty sturdy, although an exposed wire from the seat frame of a cab in Bulgaria did tear a small hole into it... but that was pretty quickly remedied with a few stitches. As a bonus, you can zip off the legs under the knees, and turn these pants into studly cargo shorts. The vast number of pockets will come in handy as I forage around for supplies, or for carrying a large knife to take down a wild boar.

3. Thai Red Bull Singlet - Originally purchased to not survive an all-night Black Moon party in Thailand (cheapest thing I could find), the singlet became my emergency shirt when I was running out of clothes on my trip. Surprisingly warm for not having sleeves, and with a super-cool Thai Red Bull logo, this would work out very well on my island, though it may lead to funky tan lines on my shoulders. With my sexytime three (to be featured in an upcoming post) around, I need to maintain some sort of stylishness after all.

Sexy love

For some reason I thought I would need to put a lot of thought into this one. Then I realized that I don't.

These are my lucky three...


Nicholas Lemons, model. Every time I see that face/body I want to die. I would definitely love him the most on my island – he’s my number one.


Adam Brody. I saw him in LA a few years ago – we made eye contact and I almost threw up. I just want to smoosh his face and laugh at his jokes. Not only would Adam and I be lovahs, we would be BFF.


Ryan Phillippe. Have you seen Cruel Intentions? I would make Ryan be the Sebastian on my island, just to spice things up. Also, I know Ryan’s a good dad and that’s important to me. So if I pop one out - no matter who the baby daddy is - I know Ryan would step it up and be the father of our awkward family.

They rev my engine.

This was a hard one for me. Do I choose women with additional attributes to looks? Do I base my decision solely on the fact that they are the only women I will sleep with for the rest of my life? There was much nail biting but I narrowed it down to these lovely ladies, in no particular order:

1. Misty May - Professional beach volleyball player. I figured I might need somebody to challenge Whitney and Gabrielle in case of an inter-island volleyball competition. Plus, she lives in the shadow of Kerry Walsh so she's probably constantly trying to prove herself.

2. Kat Von D of L.A. Ink - I love long, dark, wavy hair. And there is no way I'm going to make it the rest of my life without getting more tattoos. She seems fun and sassy, someone that might keep me in line a bit. Most importantly, I bet she'd be a freak in bed; can't have a desert island without that.

3. Kari Byron of Mythbusters - I needed a redhead to keep a bit of variety. She is smart, sexy and very much a science dork. As a child she would often come up with her own (dangerous) experiments and try to use her sister as a test-dummy/guinea pig. So pretty much she's a hot female version of me.

Honorable mention: Rachel Ray - She's Italian and loves to cook. I'm Italian and love to eat. Seems like a match made in heaven but I just couldn't put her in the top three. It saddens my heart (and stomach.)