Host of the Gross

Once Katie snapped up Cat Deeley my choice became obvious. Seacrest is too much of a little bitch and while he might be fun to have around to beat up every once in a while I don't really want him on my island. It was hard to pass up Layla Kayleigh and her mixed African, European, and Middle Eastern background, but I really just wouldn't be able to handle that name every day for the rest of my life. And that leaves Joe Rogan. He's not hot or British but I do look forward to him egging us on to new and more exciting heights. I expect he'll drink most of my Coors Light, hit on my women, and spout a fair amount of his conspiracy theories; I'm OK with that as long as it means we get good pre- and post- beach volleyball interviews.